“AMBIVALENCE”
Ego is always ambivalent.
It wants to be special, but on the other hand it is afraid of being isolated from that specialness, or it wants to be successful, but it is afraid of taking on the various responsibilities that come with that success.
Ultimately, while asserting the individual ‘I,’ they are more afraid of isolation and possible abandonment of the ‘I’ from that isolation, in other words, the ‘death (of the ego)’ than anything else.
This ambivalence shows that, ultimately, the ego cannot settle anywhere, nor is it possible to be fully satisfied.
So, on the contrary, it may say that the ego is forever pursuing its potential in illusion.
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The ego will always need the approval and praise that comes from being special because of the ambiguity of its root due to the perception of separation of its illusions by the mind.
For instance, “I am special, because of being (had) _ circumstances,” “because I understand this, (so I’m special),” “because I worked hard (so I’m special),” and so on.
On the other hand, the ego, while secretly perceiving itself as ‘special,’ also ambivalently acts as if being ‘special’ is not a good thing, since this ‘specialness’ can actually lead to a situation where it is confronted with the fact that it is ‘isolated’ which is afraid to even be aware of.
Therefore, it is very common to avoid isolation by denying or blaming those who openly appeal to their ‘specialness,’ and becoming less ‘special’ as the same ‘special’ as many others as group together.
It is the ego that has this kind of ambivalence.
Moreover, because of this ambivalence, the ego sometimes believes that the other side of desire is what it really wants.
Thus, the ego wanders deeper and deeper into the illusory world of its own creation.
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At the end of such wanderings, some become aware of the ego’s ambivalence within the illusions created by the mind, and because of its unnaturalness and inability to find a satisfactory answer for it, they finally stop looking around outside for the answer and naturally begin to explore inside, that is, deep within themselves.
The person leaves the dual world of the mind, and purely seeks the answer deep inside to the simple question, “Why?”
Eventually, through such purity and sincerity, one suddenly, as a result of completely out of expectations or predictions of the mind, arrives at the truth that isolation itself is an illusion, and the very moment, liberation from the ego, which can never be known through knowledge, comes to that person.
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It is possible to arrive at true liberation through all things, from all points, and by anyone, simply by using what one feels by one’s own heart as a compass, as a clue toward the truth.
Both true peace and the happiness of just being will be brought about by that liberation.
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No matter who you are, you can always change the course and direction of your way of life.
The fears that stand in the way of that choice will be able to lose their power through innermost stillness.
That means that the courage to make that choice is always deep within you. (OM 🙏)
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