There was a phase when I was unhappy within my abusive family, my father was violating physically and my mother was neglecting with any of my feelings, and I wished for the death of myself or of my parents.
I actually dreamed of killing them several times.
I was totally unable to understand why I had to live without love and why people were able to live without love as well.
It seemed to me there was no light of hope to live in my life and there was no one who lived happily.
In these days, one day I watched a public entertainer who talked about her marriage joyfully in the TV interview. I could see her happiness in her voice and her mood, and my eyes were glued on her and I got lots of questions. Why was she so happy in the world only of a pretense?
Her vibrations had a energetic power to change my beliefs from the world of total negativeness to slight hope that the happiness actually existed.
I wanted warm love or happiness so desperately like she had got. But I wasn’t able to find those in my family. And so I tried to run away from that situation.
But nothing changed. Absolutely nothing changed.
I found people who played emotional drama in their life and I co-played with them without consciousness.
There was obviously something wrong with me in spite of my longing to live happily.
I thought I didn’t know how to love other people and even myself because of my lack of loved experience. I needed to be loved, to love myself consciously.
But the fact was I didn’t know my own feelings and didn’t know how to get them.
It was when my conscious journey has begun, to know my true self and to find true happiness and unconditional love within myself.
I was unhappy in my
childhood but I needed those experiences to get here now. And I know I chose that experiences and that road for realizing true happiness in this life.
The happiness that you can realize and taste truly exists.
Don’t give up on yourself whichever conscious levels you are in now.
Go for it.